Never A Dull Moment
September 5, 2013
Psalm 34:17-20 “17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19 The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.”
Matthew 12:20 ”A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.”
Sometimes I feel beaten and bruised – and yet God won’t allow me to completely break. He won’t snuff out even the smallest spark of light in my heart. Sometimes I feel that is all I have – a small, smoldering spark. But to God, that’s enough.
Just when I thought it would be smooth sailing from here – as if that were possible – our family is thrown for a loop. Our 21 year old son with Down syndrome, who has always been quite high functioning, is now regressing. He is losing focus. He can’t remember directions he has been given and he is exhibiting signs of an anxiety disorder. We have no idea why. We thought he would graduate from his transition program and be able to work. We aren’t so sure now. Just the other day after I dropped him off at his program, I once again felt that feeling of loss as I watched him having a difficult time. I cried in my car all the way home. I hate crying all the way home! I hate that feeling of my heart breaking once again. I was reminded of the day we found out he would be born with Down syndrome. I’ll never forget the spot in the hospital hallway where I started to cry. I’ll never forget the sense of loss and of dreams being shattered. My husband and I had been joking just hours before about how intelligent our child would be – you see, we both went to Princeton University and graduated with high honors and highest honors. And we were having fun joking about it. How much life can change in just a few short hours. I was crushed.
Life often goes that way. It was never meant to be free from pain. It was never meant to be the ultimate for us.
Matthew 5:45 “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
God causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall on both the good and the evil. Good and bad happen to all. That is life. Some of us have more “good” things happen to us than others; some have more “bad” things happen. Bad is going to happen, although I really should say that it is our definition of bad. For some the sun shining is fantastic when others would much rather have the rain. It often is a matter of perspective. All I know is I want to be on God’s side when the rough things come my way. Life has no guarantees. How we deal with life is what matters. Wouldn’t you rather be on God’s team if you have to go through something difficult? I would. At least with God, the bruised reed can heal rather than break.
As for Barrett, when I recently asked him if he’d rather work a job or hang out at his program, he said, “I like hanging out!” I thought, “Me too! Wouldn’t we all!” He’s happy doing what he is doing. The one who can get unhappy is me. It is still difficult to see him when he is anxious or not engaged, but I have a feeling God has a plan and I’m going to trust that. Who wants dull moments anyway? (OK, I guess sometimes I do!).
Read More from Ann Roby at http://ahroby.wordpress.com/