I'm reminded of verses like Psalm 42:2
"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?"
And Psalm 84:1-2, 10
"How lovely is your dwelling place,
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked."
Oh how I need God! Oh how I'm desperate for God. But when those free moments come and the baby takes an extra long nap and I'm left with a bit of free time - how easy it is to flip on the television, browse through social media, and just waste time.
Now don't get me wrong - I don't think that's always the worst thing - moms need time to relax too (and shower, can I get an amen?!) - but all too often, I choose self-refreshment over God-centered refreshment. And that self-refreshment never lasts long enough and certainly doesn't sustain me.
Being back at Crane's Beach transported me to such a special time in my relationship with God but it reminded me of something else -- I don't want the best years of my spiritual walk to be behind me. My future with God can look different - different is fine - but it can't look worse.
I never want to say that my best years as a disciple of Jesus were before I had children. Because to be perfectly honest with you, sleep-deprivation isn't exactly making me more Christ-like. I need more of God, not less!
Motherhood is exposing jagged edges in my heart and character that desperately need to be smoothed and softened by God. And yet so often, motherhood and marriage - both incredible gifts from God, can easily (albeit sneakily!) become our excuses for not drawing near to him! Sisters, this should not be.
I want to be gentle with myself during this season - after all, Isaiah says that God "gently leads those who have young," but I also don't want to neglect my maker. I need his help more than ever!