It's been a mad start to the school year. I finally feel like I'm coming up for air, even though I still have a sprained ankle, have an MRI scheduled, and will likely need injections to reduce inflammation (and also crutches?). In addition, I have pretty severe tendonitis and carpal tunnel, despite hundreds spent on ergonomic solutions and trial after trial to find the right position (I feel so old).
We had a couple false starts to our construction, and although we should have stairs put in pretty soon by one company (though I have to say they have pushed us off for a third week in a row, which is not an encouraging start), we will likely have to head into a lawsuit with the other company who never finished the job after taking the second 40% advance. It has been two years of delays and wind whistling through the holes in the walls and roof during winter.
I have believed in God since a young girl. When I was teaching third grade a coworker invited me to study the Bible. I wanted to know God and had never read the Bible before so the thought appealed to me (Imagine, saying you believe in God and yet never reading his word). My true walk with God began, the moment I opened the pages of the Bible.
It was Sunday afternoon when the facetime call came in from overseas. "Hey, how are you?!" she said with a smile. Out of what seemed like nowhere my chest tightened and tears welled up in my eyes. "Not so good," I blurted out as though someone else had taken control of my body.
That's not what I wanted to say but it was the truth and in this safe space that was my friend's presence I was suddenly falling apart.
It's been several years now since my kids left home for college or work, but seeing so many recent Facebook posts of back to school pictures and comments made me think back to my early years of being an empty nester. I've shared before that I was prepared to miss my kids and figured I would feel sad and perhaps a little lost for awhile. I was surprised, though, by some other feelings that showed up along the way.
I'm sitting in the doctor's waiting room, magazine in hand. The room is filled with people, but they're unnaturally quiet—so quiet I can hear the clock on the wall marking lost time...all the wasted life I'll never get back because I spent it breathing stale air in this crowded room.
Wherever we went as a family when I was a child, my mum would talk to all the strangers around us. Be it on a train, airplane, restaurant ...anywhere! So growing up in the kingdom, I had the privilege of seeing both my parents always reaching out to people, having them over for Bible talks, and baptizing them. This was a great source of joy to them, and to me because everyone was so friendly and loving. They both worked secular full-time jobs and were great disciples at the same time.
Have you ever thought or said these words?
I'm not good enough.
I have been in more situations than I can count where panic took hold of my heart because I was falling short. My college physics class was one of those times. I could not understand anything the teacher was saying. His words sounded like an unfamiliar language. I looked around the room in amazement that my classmates were actually taking notes on his lecture.
I love eyes. I love the colors, shapes and sizes of eyes. Some eyes seem to sparkle, while others penetrate, but the thing that draws me most to eyes are the various emotions expressed in them.